Sunday, April 22, 2012

I'm in.

I was accepted... AFS accepted me for an year long trip to Belgium...

It's really still pretty surreal to me. I've wanted this more than I've wanted anything in my life. And I really never acknowledged the possibility that I wouldn't be going. But at the same time, I don't think I ever really realized how crazy the whole thing is.

I'm going to be gone... for an entire year. Away from Victor, and my mom and Karen, and Pepper. And all my friends... And downtown Oberlin! Black River, Ben Franklin, Agave, Gibson's... And Oberlin High School! I'll be going to school somewhere else. Will where ever I'm placed in Belgium have anything like Ben Franklin? Or a place like Agave?

I still can't really quite imagine it. It's still not really real to me, even though I now know it's happening. A part of me wonders if it ever really will become real... Maybe when I'm on the plane, maybe during my first shower in Belgium. Maybe the first time I try to sleep over there. I know I won't be able to. I know I'll cry, and wish Pepper was there to cuddle. It might be my first day at school, or walking around the new town or city or neighborhood with my host family. Or I might spend a year in Belgium expecting to go home the next day. As much as I hope I acclimate well, I still sort of hope I don't get used to it. I want to absorb everything--and be constantly looking for things to do, because I know I won't be there for long.

When ever something stresses me out these days, I just remind myself that I'm going to be in Belgium next year, and none of the petty Oberlin stuff is going to matter or even be relevant. (Petty Belgium stuff will be. Sigh.) I'm resolving to not get too involved with anyone or with any long projects--because I don't want another thing to miss or be held back by. But I think my motto for the time I'm in Belgium is going to be sort of the opposite: Learn everything you can. Meet everyone you can. Do anything you can. Don't get bored. Don't miss out. Because this whole thing has one big time stamp on it. When I come back, I want to miss everything and I never want to get over it. I'll get comfortable, but I won't take a single thing for granted.